30!

PRIVATE PARTY
-India Arie-

I’m having a private party
Ain’t no body here but me, my angels, and my guitar singin’ baby look how far we’ve come here
I’m havin’ a private party
Learning how to love me
Celebrating the woman I’ve become, yeah

I’m having a private party
Ain’t no body here but me, my angels, and my guitar singin’ baby look how far we’ve come here
I’m havin’ a private party
Learning how to love me
Celebrating the woman I’ve become, yeah

I tried to call my mother, but She didn’t get where I was going
I called my boyfriend and he said Call me back a little later baby
I hung up the phone, I felt so alone Started to feel a little pity
That’s when I realized that I Gotta find the joy inside of me

I’m having a private party
Ain’t no body here but me, my angels, and my guitar singin’ baby look how far we’ve come here
I’m havin’ a private party
Learning how to love me
Celebrating the woman I’ve become, yeah

I’m gonna take off all my clothes
Look at myself in the mirror
We’re gonna have a conversation
We’re gonna heal the disconnection
I don’t remember when it started
But this is where it’s gonna end
My body is beautiful and sacred
And I’m gonna celebrate it

I’m having a private party
Ain’t no body here but me, my angels, and my guitar singin’ baby look how far we’ve come here
I’m havin’ a private party
Learning how to love me
Celebrating the woman I’ve become, yeah

All my life (all my life)
I’ve been looking for (I’ve been looking for)
Somebody else (else) to make me whole (ooo)
But I had to learn the hard way (ooo)
True love began with me (ooo)
This is not ego or vanity (ooo)
I’m just celebrating me

I’m having a private party

Ain’t no body here but me, my angels, and my guitar singin’ baby look how far we’ve come here

I’m havin’ a private party

Learning how to love me

Celebrating the woman I’ve become, yeah

Sometimes I’m alone but never lonely
That’s what I’ve come to realize
I’ve learned to love the quiet moments
The Sunday mornings of life
Where I can reach deep down inside
Or out into the universe
I can laugh until I cry
Or I can cry away the hurt

I’m having a private party

Ain’t no body here but me, my angels, and my guitar singin’ baby look how far we’ve come here

I’m havin’ a private party

Learning how to love me

Celebrating the woman I’ve become, yeah

Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday

Good News!

I've been a nervous wreck for the last few days waiting for my mom's biopsy result and last night I was over the moon happy because it came out negative for cancer. It was such a relieve that I felt like I could breathe again after holding my breath for days. I still say "fuck cancer!"and I sure am glad that she doesn't have it. She needs to recover from GERD now and take really good care of what food she eats and what medicine she takes. Despite the recovery she still needs to do, the news is one of the best birthday presents I've ever gotten in my 30 years of living! Yayyyy!

Parents Should Be Invincible

I thought parents were supposed to be invincible. They should be the toughest people alive, kicking asses and saving things like superheroes. I found out that they were just mortals and mere humans a few years ago, but still I find it unfair that they do not possess such powers.

When I was a stubborn know-it-all kid, I fought a lot with my mother over small things. Yet we were still two peas in a pod and I cherished her. I still do. She is my soulmate. I know that without the slightest doubt. She's an old soul and I believe we were once bestfriends or sisters in our past lives. 

When I decided to get married and moved half way around the world, she was my biggest supporter, but she was also the reason why I hesitated. I didn't want to miss out on our late night talks, our Oprah time, or simply the luxury of living under the same roof with her. Knowing that she was there, sleeping in her room or watching detective shows in our family room or sewing something in the dining room or attending choir practice at a neighbor's house or at a meeting at church was all I needed. I just always needed to know that she was there or somewhere, because if she was not there or anywhere then I'd crumbled to pieces. I would not survive. This I know. She was always there. She is always somewhere.

I am right now living a very good life. I have to admit that the Universe has been so absolutely great to my husband and I. Blessed is what we are. Nonetheless, when good things keep happening there is always a cynical negative thought lingering in the back of my mind, just waiting to destroy all the rainbows and butterflies. Then my minor accident happened and then I saw that major accident happened right before my eyes and I thought of how nothing is sterile from tragedy and disaster. Then my mother told me that she had to have an endoscopy because she had GERD or Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease.

In her case the disease caused dry cough and asthma-like symptoms. She had asthma since she was a baby so at first it was hard to determine if it was really asthma or something else. A visit to the doctor confirmed that it was acid reflux. A terrible case of acid reflux. It messes up her throat and larynx. An ultrasound was done to her esophagus to see how much damage the acid reflux had done to the area. Then an endoscopy was also performed. I still didn't read much into it up to that point, but then she told me that while the endoscopy was performed, they also took some tissue sample from the stomach for a biopsy. That word alone is more than enough to freak me out. My mother was not supposed to go through any of those shit. And I was not there. I am not there!

The endoscopy was done last Friday and the result came out yesterday, but the soonest that her doctor is available is on Thursday. Only he can interpret the result. I am ready to burst! I have never been such a nervous wreck. I feel like vomiting every time I think of this. I know I need to keep a positive attitude, but hell I don't even know how to swallow, let alone thinking positively. Fuck cancer. There, I said it. I hope it is not going to be the news I'm going to hear. 

So I guess parents really are not invincible. I wish they were though. Children of all ages need their parents. At least I do. Even when I'm a hundred years old and senile, I am going to always need my mother. She'd be 126 years old and find me super annoying, but she should still be kicking asses. I need her to always kick ass. 

Driving in Houston: Humans Are Hazardous

After being auto accident free for almost 3 years in the US, last week I broke the strike of luck. I was involved in a minor accident. It was minor because no one got hurt but my and that old annoying guy's front bumpers. Though dealing with the insurance was not pleasant, I'm thankful the damage was minimal.

I was on my way to teach a 6.15 PM yoga class and because of the daylight saving time it was already dark when I left home. It was the week of Thanksgiving and people were driving like mad because they either wanted to shop or go home to prepare for their trips. Anyways, the accident was rather stupid and could easily be avoided if I just took the time and looked around before making a U-turn. I must admit that I was in a rush, being already 5 minutes late. My light was finally green and the car in front of me was making a left. I then made (or rather attempted) a U-turn. Before I knew it there was a loud sound and my car was halted. Obviously, when I looked to the front there was this old guy in his Jeep Cherokee looking pissed at me. He was making a right turn.

Long story short, the guy tried to put the blame on me. When the police came he didn't find anyone to be at fault. It was legal to make a U-turn in Texas unless stated otherwise and it was legal to make a right turn on a red light as long as the person yield to uncoming traffic. We were both wrong for being careless.

That minor accident was enough to put my head in perspective. It was a great adaption effort from my part to drive in Houston. Although Jakarta had (still does!) chaotic traffic, but I felt like I knew how to read situations and road users. I knew what to expect from Jakarta (there are of course always surprises, but still). It took me a lot of courage to drive in Houston. Big cars, intimidating trucks, people speeding, and the concept of right-of-way intimidated me, but I managed to overcome my fear and started driving. I had been feeling so comfortable with the way I drove up until that accident. The absence of moth-like motorcycles and annoying public transportations drivers also made me believe that it was indeed safer to drive here. As a result, I failed to notice my surroundings, assuming that everyone will follow rules thus as long as you have the right-of-way you'd be OK.

Another thing happened last night. It freaked me out big time. Feet cold, hands shaking and everything. I was on my way back from teaching a yoga class for a friend. I was subbing for her. The road to and from her place has a part of a long stretch with curves and no traffic light. The road was over a reservoir area so there was no residential areas around for at least 2 miles. There are road barriers on the sides of this two-way road (each way has two lanes), but not a road separator. There is also no road lights.

It was 8.40 PM and I was on the right lane just driving 2 mph under the 50 mph speed limit going southbound. I'm sure because I kept checking my speedometer. I always avoid being on the left lane when it comes to two-way roads without a separator. On my left there was a car going around 50 mph. We were close to each other, but I made sure I was not in his blind spot. Because of my previous accident I was constantly noticing everything around me, checking the rear-view mirror over and over again. There was no car behind me. I could see headlights but they were far away. Suddenly there was a pair of headlights going super fast approaching the car next to me. That car was going really fast I automatically thought of slowing down a bit and hoping that the car next to me would step on its gas so at least there was an opening for that speeding car to pass him from the right. I think I should have slowed down more and immediately because what happened next was absolutely horrible.

That speeding car suddenly took the left lane of the car next to me which was one of the lanes going the opposite direction (northbound). Fortunately cars going northbound were still far away. I thought the crazy driver would pass the car next to me from the left. It was a crazy idea but had he stayed on his (over-the-top) speed he would have made it. What the driver did next was just insane. It looked like he suddenly realized that he was on the wrong lane so he suddenly made a sharp left. I really don't know what that guy was thinking, it looked like he was attempting a 180. He might be drunk. The passenger side of the car then hit the right side road barrier so hard that I saw sparks from the two colliding metals. I was so afraid that the crazy car would make a 360 after that and hit my car if I stopped or slowed down so I just drove away. Oh God, I feel nauseated every time I think of that episode.

Cars are dangerous but people are more hazardous. Crazy, unstable, intoxicated, basically selfish people behind wheels are accidents waiting to happen. I pledge to be even more careful when I'm on the road. From now on, I'll just back off and let people (crazy stupid people!) have their way. I'm going to follow speed limits, I'm going to keep my eyes moving for hazard potentials, I'm going to keep a safe distance with other cars. I will never drink and drive and I will never ever talk or text when I'm driving. I don't care if people think I drive like an old lady. I'm not going to jeopardize myself and other people. God help me. God help all of us.

1174 Miles Road Trip to the West and Back

I've become such an outdoorsy person and I really don't know how it happened. Our trip to Big Bend National Park just became another proof that I am indeed in love with the outdoors. What have I been doing before? Wasting my time by being under the shades, I guess.

Aris and I decided to take a road trip to Big Bend National Park, 10 hours away from Houston. We had the whole week thanks to the Thanksgiving weekend so it was perfect timing. We actually almost cancelled the trip because on Monday I was involved in a minor accident and I had to deal with the insurance. I had been so overly excited over the trip and so bummed about the fact that the whole trip might be cancelled because of me. Alas the carelessness of yours truly!

Fortunately, it turned out that the insurance thing could wait until we got back. We were using another car anyway so the trip was on again! On Tuesday afternoon we embarked on our journey to the west! Our Jeep (we named her Zeppelin) was full of things. Later on I found out that some things were not even needed. Aris had a great time mocking me for being so overly prepared. I must admit that I was doing too many research. Hey, I'm a writer so that's normal!

We arrived in San Antonio when the sun was setting and we decided to camp for a night at Kerville-Schreiner Park in Kerrville, Texas. It was another hour of driving from San Antonio and when we arrived we immediately found ourselves a campsite. There was only one other family besides us in the whole tent-only campsite so it was nice and quiet. There was no electricity and running water in the campsite, but the restroom and shower were 100 feet away. Later that night we found out that our bedding situation was not sufficient for the temperature and we were not putting the tent correctly. Our asses were freezing that night! Live and learn, we didn't do the same mistake twice. No siree! In the morning we did some mountain biking in the park and I think I did good for my first attempt though I was cursing during most of the steep inclines. Kerville-Schreiner Park was wonderful!

We continued our journey to Big Bend National Park after the biking session. It was a nice driving day that Wednesday. The road was just about to get crowded, but still rather empty for the most part. We stopped at Caverns of Sonora for lunch. We borrowed their picnic table and cooked (well, heated) our lunch. From there it was straight to Big Bend with necessary stops to fill up the tank and some Walmart shopping. I was not going to freeze my ass again the second night so we bought blanket and pillows. Yes, I brought a shovel and a 5-gallon bucket, but not pillows.

We arrived at Big Bend National Park around 5 PM and it was magical. Big Bend country was absolutely stunning. The sun was mellowing and the sky was blushing. All around there were layers of mountains, just like something one find in a painting. The farther the mountain, the surreal it looked. Because we didn't have a reservation we had to race people to get a site. Thanksgiving weekend has always been one of the busiest! The whole park has 45 mph speed limit. This is more for the animals than the humans. Too many animals got killed because they didn't see the car coming. A number of jackrabbits and one coyote were saved because we followed the speed limit. 'Yayyy' to us!

We finally settled in the Rio Grande Village. The campsite was in proximity to the Mexico-US border. It was more a mental border rather than a physical one. Again, we set up our tent in total darkness. Using headlights we assembled the tent and set up our bed then made dinner and started to try to get a feel of everything. Our nextdoor neighbor in the campsite was a family in an RV. It looked like they had moved their whole entire home to their site. To make us even more jealous, they had steak for dinner. We were too tired so we made a bowl of Indonesian instant noodle. Hearty and absolutely not nutritious, but was enough to make us full. It rained that night and I had one of the nicest sleeps in a long time. I was content with everything. With the rain, with our tent, with the absence of phone reception and the internet, with the man sleeping next to me. Everything was perfect.

We woke up in the crack of dawn the next day. Our Walmart shopping paid off. It was a comfortable sleep and I was ready for the day. Aris made breakfast (apparently the only time he cooks for me is when we're in the middle of nowhere) and we set out to Boquillas Canyon. Our plan for the day was exploring the southwest side of the 3,242 km2 national park. So we started at Boquillas Canyon and absorbed the beautiful view and the fact that Mexico was literally a few steps away. Then we drove to the Old Ore Road where it was full on unpaved and primitive road. The 4WD was a success. That was the first time we tried the feature. Aris wanted to bike in the desert so we parked and prepared the bikes. I was not excited. Though the temperature was nice, the desert sun was still unforgiving. He did good and kept biking, while I just gave up and found me a shade. After that we drove to Ernst Basin and hiked. The gigantic rock formations were astonishing. Aris had a blast explaining everything to me. The canyons were intimidating but it was absolutely serene there.

Finally back to the paved road, we went back to our camp and cooked lunch. After that we headed to Hot Spring and hiked some more. The area is called Hot Spring because there is a hot spring there (duh!) and people were hanging out there to cool off (or warm up?). Next to the hot spring is the Rio Grande river, bordering the US with Mexico. It was around 3 PM when we covered the Hot Spring area and then we decided to do some more off road driving. This time we covered 39.7 km of primitive road. It was just quiet and scenic and fun! The sun was already gone when we arrived back to the paved road so we headed back to camp and made (Thanksgiving) dinner. This time it was Chicken Teriyaki with rice. We just added hot water and stirred. Yep, that kind of Chicken Teriyaki with rice. We had tea afterwards and stargazed. The pitch black sky was the perfect contrast to the hundreds and hundreds of twinkling stars!

Friday was another early day. We decided to take off from Big Bend that very afternoon so we collapsed the tent and put everything back in the car, again in total darkness. We raced the morning sun to the Old Maverick Road, an hour away from Rio Grande Village. It was another unpaved road. Aris wanted to bike the whole 21 km from the starting point of the road to Santa Elena Canyon. I followed behind with Zeppelin. I can't even start to describe the beauty of that very morning as the sun slowly crawled out behind the majestic mountains and the desert plants were acting as foreground to the breathtaking sight. That morning is one of those mornings that I will forever keep in my memory locker and take out when I need a pick-me-up!

The mesmerizing view brought us to Santa Elena Canyon. Ah, the spectacular Santa Elena Canyon! It is considered as the most dramatically beautiful in the whole Big Bend area. The 450 meter high cliffs protect the Rio Grande river. We hiked uphill then downhill to meet the river and be among the gigantic cliffs. I felt small, but funnily enough, also significant. We then took the Ross Maxwell Scenic Drive to the Chisos Mountain Basin. It was indeed a scenic drive and the Chisos Mountains were beautiful also! Chisos is the most crowded area of the whole park. The elevation gives a constant cool breeze and a  'you're-not-actually-in-Texas' kind of feeling. I initially wanted to camp here. Thank God the campsite at Chisos was full when we first arrived, because there was no way I could survive the cold nights. We had lunch at the Chisos Restaurant, took some pictures and headed back to Houston.

After driving for 3 hours we decided to set up camp at the Caverns of Sonora. We had learned that the campsite there had electricity and a clean restroom plus hot shower. The night was cold, but we managed. In the morning a not-so familiar sound woke us up. It came from peacocks! How wonderful! At 9.45 AM we took a tour inside the caverns. Caverns of Sonora is acknowledged as the most beautiful cave in Texas and the most beautiful show caves in the world. It was designated as a National Natural Landmark by the US government in 1966 and the caves are still active. Ninety-five percent of its formations are still "growing". Unbelievable!

The tour took a little more than an hour then we continued our journey back home with one more essential stop: the Hill Country State Natural Area in Bandera. The place had a lot of mountain biking trails in the forms of loops, so every trail is connected in some way. We just had to try some of it. The first trail was gruesome! I mostly just pushed my bike up the hills and over the rocks, but I did collect enough courage to bike through some downhill parts and it was exhilarating! The second trail that we chose was relatively easy. Mostly country roads and flat areas. We ended our trip there. It was the perfect ending.

This year, I'm thankful for my adventures and Aris, my partner in doing those adventures. We may fight, bicker, annoy each other (a lot!), but in the end he's my home. Wherever we are, whatever we do, however we do it, as long as he is there, I'm good.

A Few Laugh Lines Later...

I had lunch today with three wonderful ladies. All married, two are pregnant. One has been living in Houston for 6 years, one for almost a year, the other barely surviving 4 months, and I am going into my 3rd year. Together we were four married ladies, trying to adapt with the life of a wife in a foreign country. 

To me, the past three years have been quite a journey. It's been about homesickness, learning to run a household, taking care of 3 dogs, compromising (again and again) with the husband, and trying to keep myself intact as a significant human being. It's been about learning and doing and taking chances. It's been about re-inventing myself.

Over plates of sandwiches the ladies and I talked about basic stuff. Questions are always the same: "How long have you been here?", "Do you like it here?", "What do you do all day?". Things haven't been good for the friend who just arrived here 4 months ago. She's homesick and bored. I know exactly how that feels. I know exactly how the 1st year feels. It sucks. Big time.

Another friend asked when I started doing yoga. "Two and a half years ago," I said. "What did you do during the first 6 months?" she asked again. I mentally took a look back at those months and answered, "Being depressed." It is true. It was depressing and I was depressed. Marriage alone was confusing at first. Living with a boy, trying to figure out our roles and how not to kill each other. I kind of had the impression that I had to perform as a "good wife". Cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry were my job. I lost myself between peeling a garlic for a stir fry and folding my husband's underwear. I was lost and sad. I was not a "good wife" and I may never be one.

But it was not about the cooking, cleaning, folding underwear or being acknowledged as a "good wife" or a good anything. It was about me doing those things without putting myself first. Without knowing why I was here in Houston, married to my husband and away from my support system. I love my husband, I really do. But at one point I realized that if I wasn't happy then I'd make his life a living hell. And I didn't want to do that to him. He was and is -however- my bestfriend. He is my support system.

What was hard was feeling comfortable and safe in the new environment. And it was hard to take the mind off the past, the home, the comfort zone that was no longer there and create a present, a new home, and a fresh comfort zone. I'm glad I took risks and put myself out there. I'm doing a lot of stuff for myself and I've made new wonderful friends aside from my Indonesian friends.

I used to say to people that all I did all day was taking care of the house, my husband and my dogs. Well that's not true anymore. I still take care of the house and the husband and the dogs. But now I'm doing them with joy and willingness, because God knows I'm doing other things that makes me feel worthy and significant. And after three years and a few laugh lines on the corners of my eyes later, this place called Texas, is really not bad at all.

Cancun and My Newly Found Appreciation for a Little House Music

I think Cancun broke me. I now listen to House music and actually able to enjoy it. Oh, dear God!

We came back from Cancun almost two weeks ago and I have been enjoying House music often once in a while, between my adoration towards Jack Johnson and India Arie. My taste of music has always been anything but up-to-date.

We weren't really partying every single night while we were in Cancun, but we did, however, stayed in a "social hostel". That translated to a hostel in which they played loud House music every single night when travelers from all over the world gathered over a long table for dinner and later continued the night to a place that played the same kind of music louder. Much louder.

I was at first extremely bugged by the fact that the hostel started playing the music around 6.30 in the evening and continued to much later in the night. Nonetheless, I am never one that let noises and sounds bother my sleep or my needing of sleep. So I could still sleep soundly. It was just they were playing the same playlist night after night and we stayed there for 5 nights! The songs were not of my liking, but I managed to memorized the words anyway and secretly waiting for certain songs to be played.

So here I am now, having a "House music" genre on my Pandora playlist. Cancun definitely broke me. Anyways, here is one of the songs that they constantly played in the hostel and now stuck in my head 24/7.

Ho Hey - The Lumineers

Just because...

We Laughed in Cue

Honduras, June 30th 2012

It was humid when we arrived. A familiar kind of humidity. It probably had just rained, but everything was already dry and we were greedily sucking in the tropical hospitable scents of home through the rolled down windows. Home suddenly did not feel half a world away.

We took a taxi from the airport. It had no AC. We did not complain. We expected nothing more or exactly that. The road was snaky, shaky with turns, and curves. We expected nothing more or just exactly that. A slow big truck was ahead of us, grasping and gasping for air as it worked it way up a steep incline, bursting clouds of black smog. We were also grasping and gasping for air, intoxicated by another familiar smell. Our taxi stayed patiently behind the big monstrous vehicle. We had no choice but to think of wonderful things. Wonderful things can sometime magically come easily.

Honduras, July 4th 2012
It rained last night. I could smell the soil through my windows. Subtle, but distinct, it was the kind of scent that always made me giddy like a kid on a Christmas morning. We stayed quiet inside our hut of a hotel room. Everything was more subdued, even my husband's eyes, now half closed.

We listened to the rhythmically challenged sound of the pouring rain and the panting sound of our ceiling fan. The room was dark. Our camera was charging in a corner. A television set was nowhere to be seen. I was grateful for that. My addiction to it was already over the top. We needed a time off, away from each other. So that was what sanity felt like?

Almost in cue we both laughed because everything, all added together, was what it took for us to live normally. We always questioned what "normal" was, but then and then we just understood. And in cue we laughed.

It had been 4 days now since we arrived here. As of then we had always felt sleepy by the time it was 9 pm and by 6 am we were already wiggling our toes and fingers, ready to slowly seize the day, absorbing the almost forgotten sounds, smells and colors of a holiday. Or is it home?

I have finished reading two books already. One of which I barely progressed while in Houston. And now I am writing, make small notes with pen and paper of the way I feel. Of the way this place makes me feel. I think about my laptop and how I am sure she is having a time of her life too right about now, away from the abuse of my fingers. Wondrous things had happened here. I cannot wait to come back and I have yet to leave.

Our daily naps are among those wondrous things. The short sleeps I got to steal during the day are now mine to be taken for granted. Time is abundant now. Was it ever? I cannot remember.  

A Week in Honduras!

Post Vacation Hangover

We just got back from Honduras. I always get post vacation hangover after every vacation (obviously). Sickness, rather. This time it is quite severe.

We spent one week in West End. It is an area in the small island of Roatan in Honduras. Life was great there. At least for that whole week. I was chained to my daily overdose of Gilmore Girls (and of course Rory and Jess) before we went to Roatan. I even had my eyes glued to the Gilmore Girls fanfiction until the very moment our plane had to leave. It was insane that I managed to not want to be connected to the internet or not crying over not having TV in the room.

I was perfectly content with the two books I brought from home. It had been awhile since I could actually really read and sleep! We always fell asleep around 9 there and wake up around 6 or 7, excited for the dives we were going to do for the day. There was not much to do there except diving and just chilling. We met really cool people while we were there, the one thing I always love about traveling.

We tried to keep every purchase in budget although we sometime went overboard with eating, as we always do. Nonetheless we managed to find a small place that sold good local food with such cheap price. Aris even learned Spanish just by us hanging out there almost everyday.

We never really stayed in one place for more than 3 nights and just dove, so this last vacation of ours was special. We did so many dives that at the end we felt so comfortable with the divemasters it felt like we were diving with friends. And they were attentive without being too nice.

Aris has been talking about doing another dive trip, destination to be announced later. He is even thinking about getting a one year leave after he finishes his PhD to travel. I'm all for that. Being back in Houston automatically sucked the energy from us. I know that's not right. That it's not about where you are, but rather how you are. Or something like that. That doesn't sound "quote-worthy" enough so I'm guessing it doesn't actually go that way. The sentence.

Anyway, we are back in Houston and I have tons of things to do. One of my dogs has just decided that she no longer wants to do her "business" outside. So I need major cleaning up to do. Loads of laundry, long grocery list, a yoga class to teach in 5 hours, and I don't feel like moving. And it's raining outside. I just want to crawl back to bed, have my Aris next to me and sleep until Saturday. I'm not ready to be back. Oh, will I ever?

Quote of The Day

"All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence you know." -Hemingway

Easier said than done.

I need a trip to the Half Price Books.
And then lunch at Fadi's.
Oh man, those two would just make a perfect day.

One Can Always Bitch. To a Soul Sister.

I just went all crazy, venting and bitching about the simplest most egotistical thing to my best friend, my soul sister. I love the fact that she did not belittle my feelings. She let me said all the things that I needed to say and just said, "You're not crazy. I'd do the same thing."

How I absolutely love her for always being on my side, even at times when I know that I am wrong and just simply being childish or unreasonable. But for whatever reason, to her, in that moment, my feelings were all justifiable. I am just human and she always allows me to be me, no matter how broken and weak. She lets me be me. She is awesome that way.

Now, after all is said, I feel lighter. I don't regret the things I said, the things I felt. I'm just relieved that I got them off my chest, no matter how trivial they were. They did matter, now they just don't. What matters now is that I know I will always have her on my side. And I'll always be on hers.

I love you, Adnyani Dewi.

Ease Off

As my beloved teacher once said:

"If you are forcing and struggling, ease off."

I am forcing and frustrated because I am failing, because I am forcing. 

Backing off. Right now.

Exhale. Thoroughly.

Happy international women's day.