Tuesday, May 10, 2011

A Slap on The Face

Lately I have been feeling disconnected with my body. With my skin to be exact. My vitiligo is popping out everywhere. A white patch has started to appear on my chin. Now I have rash all over my arms. I am trying to stay calm, but truth be told, I am freaking out.

First of all, I have vitiligo. "Vitiligo is a skin condition in which there is a loss of brown color (pigment) from areas of skin, resulting in irregular white patches that feel like normal skin. Vitiligo appears to occur when immune cells destroy the cells that produce brown pigment (melanocytes). This destruction is thought to be due to an autoimmune problem, but the cause is unknown." (PubMed Health)

I was diagnosed with vitiligo around 2 years ago. I did some treatments, but never vigorously. I did laser treatment and decided to stop it after almost 2 months because it was pretty expensive and I did not see any sign of my white patches re-pigmenting. I did some homeopathy treatment and it also failed to arrest my vitiligo, hence the white patch on my face.

I turn to yoga for a sense of calmness and mindfulness because it is also said that vitiligo can also occur in people with emotional stress. I fell in love with yoga and I try to practice calmness in my everyday life. But still, I feel disconnected with my body. I am not unhappy, I am not depressed, but my body is showing every sign of the contrary. I feel like crying everytime I see the white patch on my face, because of all places on my body, I have always been hardly rejecting the thought of my vitiligo appearing on my face. Because when that happens, I have to really live with it. It scares the hell out of me.

It is like a constant battle with myself now. I feel like breaking down and toughen up at the same time. I feel like bursting into tears and wanting desperately to radiate a sincere smile at the same time. I feel like hating my vitiligo, but I know it will not lead me to anything good. I feel like getting angry at my situation, but I know that a lot of people are living in much worse condition and that I would be disrespecting them to nag about mine. I feel like pitying myself, but I know that I should feel grateful for still having really great things happening in my life.

I just need a moment. I need to freaking relax and not freaking out.

Screw it, I am freaking out!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

The Schnauzer Cut!

Gas price has not shown a sign of going down and the littlest expense has become a significant one. So in the spirit of keeping our money in our pocket, I attempted something I had never done before, which is to groom my Mini Schnauzer myself. 

Olive, my Mini Schnauzer was in dire need of a haircut. Her fur has become so bushy it was hard to spot where her head was. Her last haircut was in January, almost 4 months ago. She was always panting because in most Spring days Houston were getting super hot.

The thing was, her grooming usually cost us $50 something after tip. I had been going back and forth about taking her to the salon until I had the idea of doing the grooming myself. Well, at least the haircut. So I did some research on the internet, found videos on youtube on "how to groom your Schnauzer" and I bravely tried to do it.

I spent 3 straight hours standing with Olive's hair all over me, got backache afterward, but it was totally worth it. Olive was calm and stayed docile, although at times she was demanding to get off the table to stretch her legs and play with my other dogs. I let her. Then we would be back again with her fur. Slowly but surely Olive started to look like a Schnauzer.

My husband came home and praised Olive new look. I asked for $50. He laughed, obviously thinking that I was kidding. I was not. Short to say he was impressed. Damn, I was impressed!

It is not the most perfect Schnauzer cut, I believe I have a battalion of Schnauzer lovers screaming amen to that, but still, I did that myself, I managed to save up some money and Olive seems to like her new do. Now she struts it like no one's business.

Olive Before

Olive After